Fix Our Eyes

I've been reminded over and over the past few months of how quickly I take my eyes off Jesus. Reading the story of Peter walking on the water, it's a familiar picture of my life.
Immediately Jesus made the disciples get into the boat and go on ahead of him to the other side, while he dismissed the crowd. After he had dismissed them, he went up on a mountainside by himself to pray. Later that night, he was there alone, and the boat was already a considerable distance from land, buffeted by the waves because the wind was against it.
Shortly before dawn Jesus went out to them, walking on the lake. When the disciples saw him walking on the lake, they were terrified. “It’s a ghost,” they said, and cried out in fear.
But Jesus immediately said to them: “Take courage! It is I. Don’t be afraid.”
“Lord, if it’s you,” Peter replied, “tell me to come to you on the water.”
“Come,” he said.
Then Peter got down out of the boat, walked on the water and came toward Jesus.  But when he saw the wind, he was afraid and, beginning to sink, cried out, “Lord, save me!”Immediately Jesus reached out his hand and caught him. “You of little faith,” he said, “why did you doubt?”
And when they climbed into the boat, the wind died down. Then those who were in the boat worshiped him, saying, “Truly you are the Son of God.” Matthew 14:22-33
Peter stepped out of the boat in faith, he had his eyes fixed on Jesus as he started out but SEEING the wind (he changed his gaze from Jesus to his situation) he became frightened and began sinking, he cried out, "Lord save me!" 
Our story looks so devastating when I take my eyes off Jesus and I begin to sink but as soon as I gaze back at Him it all becomes clearer. I see this story has so much more of a purpose then I'll ever know. We're not meant to see the whole picture and if we did we would be saying "no, no God not that part, I'm not up for that."  I heard this quote recently "You can't have a testimony without a test" and how true that is. Jesse always said that he wanted a testimony, a story to share and he sure got one. But in all seriousness the fire and trial purifies us. The process of refining gold, getting all the junk out; that's what trials and tests do in our lives. They reveal the sin deep within us and take it to the surface to be dealt with. 
Jesse and I went skydiving with my brother and his fiance for my 30th birthday.  It was the most terrifying and exhilarating experience.  As I thought about our experience, I realized our life feels like a free fall at the moment. Falling, falling, falling and not knowing where we will land. But then I thought of that parachute, as being a picture of Jesus,  we may not see Him or feel Him in certain moments but He's there just like the parachute was there. We think we're in control but then we see that Jesus is guiding us just as the parachute guides a skydiver.
Just when we think we're about to crash He speaks to our hearts with a word or verse that reminds us that "He is here."
How is it almost August already? I feel as though every year seems to be going faster and faster. It's incredible how fast a month blows by. We've been enjoying our summer and  trying to take it all in. Jesse and Jaida have been learning how to ride horses, the trailer is all fixed up and we've used it a few times. I always struggle with the sense of urgency in summer, trying to fit it all in in such a short amount of time but especially now. This sense of making every moment count but then the still small voice reminds me to rest in Him.  
We've had our ups and downs the last couple of weeks. We spoke to the liver surgeon who was blunt with the number of tumors in Jesse's liver and surgery not being an option. We also had a second opinion from a colon surgeon about the primary tumor in Jesse's colon and was told that surgery was not an option until chemo was tried. It's definitely been disappointing but Jesse remains so positive through it all. We will continue to do what we're doing until Jesse's CT scan at the end of August and will reevaluate then.  Jesse and I have been learning a lot about fasting and the benefits on our bodies. He completed an 11 day fast (just drinking water and herbal teas) and saw some great changes in his health.  Jesse has also been using a sauna from a friend and has been really enjoying it. We ask for your prayers as we continue this journey, for wisdom and clarity in the steps to come.  
Here are a few songs that we've been enjoying and have spoken to our hearts.  












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