It’s Been a Year
It’s been a year, a whole year since that nasty word “cancer” entered into our lives. I’ll never forget that day of being told that “we” had cancer. I say we because Jesse and I are one and it affects both of us in so many ways. We can both still picture the exact moment of being told it was cancer and it all comes back like it was yesterday. But it’s been a year; a year we didn’t think we would have together at the beginning of this journey, a year we’re both so grateful for.
I see that it was a year full of life. A life giving season, and a brand new start. As we enter into spring, a new season with new beginnings this past year for us was a season of spring. We sprung into things we never imagined would be in our lives. The darkness of our trials has brought us to a place of beautiful blossom like the spring tulips emerging out of the cold ground. The spring like rains are necessary in order for those tulips to bloom. It’s been a season of growth for both of us as we’ve battled our fears, anxieties and emotions but most of all, we have learned to trust Jesus fully in the unknown of our lives. I’ve done things I never would have done unless traveled the journey we are on. We’ve matured in ways that usually take a lifetime .
Jesse took a much needed break from chemo in March and it was such a gift. It gave us a sense of what normal was like and Jesse said many times that he had forgotten what it felt like to feel this well. Not having so many appointments to attend was a great break.
Jesse and I had a conversation the other night and I wanted to share some things that he shared. We were talking about our fears and emotions as we enter into this next stage of chemo again. Jesse said to me “ 17 years is what I’m asking for, the average stage 4 cancer patient gets around 2.5 years and that means I would have a year and half left. I’ve asked the Lord for 17 years so that I can finish my job as a Dad hear on earth. That means our youngest would be 22, I’ve gotten really good at math since my diagnosis.” “Cancer is always on my mind but when those sweet kids are giggling joy trumps my fear every time. When the projects I’m working on take my mind off of my circumstances and give me joy it trumps every time. “
Our perspectives on the journey are so different from one another yet equally important.
I’ve started to study the book of Habkkakuk and it’s been so enlightening to see him cry out to the Lord with hard questions. Sometimes we’re afraid to cry out and ask God tough questions because that just not the “Christian “ thing to do. But God can handle all our emotions and anger, Jesus knows how we feel as He walked on this earth and endured so much pain. So I ask God “ why us Lord, I’m tired and worn so won’t you take this away now?” And I wait, I wait upon the Lord to renew my strength each day and I continue to put one foot in front on the other. I think a lot of us are living that way lately, just one foot in front of the other. May Jesus be your strength today and may you trust in His everlasting arms.
Love,
Jenn and Jesse
“Though the fig tree does not blossom And there is no fruit on the vines, Though the yield of the olive fails And the fields produce no food, Though the flock is cut off from the fold And there are no cattle in the stalls, Yet I will [choose to] rejoice in the Lord; I will [choose to] shout in exultation in the [victorious] God of my salvation! The Lord God is my strength [my source of courage, my invincible army]; He has made my feet [steady and sure] like hinds’ feet And makes me walk [forward with spiritual confidence] on my high places [of challenge and responsibility].
Habakkuk 3:17-19 AMP
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