Let There Be Light

As the Christmas season is upon us many emotions run through our minds. Setting up the tree was beautiful but also had sorrow, will Jesse be here next Christmas? Why does this have to be so hard, Lord? We really are living in two worlds and it's a strange thing to balance. In one sense Jesse is feeling so well and normal that our life is normal(which is such a blessing.) But on the other hand, heading to appointments, stepping foot in Juravinski for follow ups with specialists, being told the chance of cure from this is very rare...it's kinda like a gut punch every time we hear those words . We should be used to those words by now but it never gets easier. Yesterday we had a follow up with the colon specialist. The first time we met with her she was very optimistic and wasn't sure that the spot on Jesse's lung was cancer. But yesterday she said that it definitely was cancer and because of that less options are open in the future such as surgery to remove the primary tum...

 It blows me away how fast time goes. How cancer has become our "new normal" so quickly and how we've settled into our routines.  Cancer is part of our lives right now but we've made a choice for it not to overtake our lives. It's all about perspective and the choice to continue to live amidst our circumstances.  We were playing a game the other night and as we flipped the hour glass over for each person's turn, I pictured our lives. How the sand in that hour glass is each one of our days. We don't know when that sand will run out and when our days will come to an end. We may think we have all this sand left but it could be the last grain, our last day. Jesse's diagnosis has taught us to live fully and embrace life. It's funny how we have to look death in the eyes before we fully start to live. When we touch eternity we begin to see all things simply (Corrie ten boom). We give all the glory to our Lord Jesus for this update! Jesse had a CT scan rec...

 Our perspective on life has changed so much in the last 6 months, things that use to matter just don't anymore and our gaze is on what's to come. We had to put our black lab down this week and as I watched her take her last breath I was struck by how one minute she was here and the next gone. All that remained was a shell, a body with no life. I got to thinking about the breath of life that God speaks about in Genesis when He made man. The Lord God breathed into the man and gave him life. Then the Lord God formed a man from the dust of the ground and breathed into his nostrils the breath of life, and the man became a living being. Genesis 2:7 God actually breathed His breath into Adam's nostrils, how amazing is that! Breath in our lungs, the breath of life that keeps us alive. We don't know when that will be taken from us. Here one minute and gone the next . Just a body left and the spirit gone. So what will I do while I have this breath of life? How shall I live? Whe...

 It's in the moments of helping my husband when he's helpless, cleaning up after the mess of 3 little's, and the needs of serving my family that I say "O God I'm not sure if I can keep doing this" and He says "yes you can dear child, just one single moment at a time."  Do the next thing, the dishes, laundry, meal times and life continues. When I look too far ahead it's daunting but how many times over the past few weeks God has reminded me that I'm here today and not to worry about tomorrow.  I probably have repeated myself a lot in these blogs but I'm preaching to myself every time that I write, it's more meant for me then you to be honest. It's been a healing outlet for me to be able to write and put it all down in words. I've made a binder and titled it "Look what the Lord Has Done for Us." I've printed all our blogs so far and have put all the beautiful cards we've been given in the binder; it's such ...

  I was talking with someone the other day and discussing the subject of death.  How our society is terrible at talking about this topic. We plan for our retirement, we plan our finances for the future but we never plan for death. Not many people talk about their wills, making sure they have life insurance and prearranging their funeral because that will never happen; especially at our age. If one thing in this life is for sure, it's that we all die no ifs ands or buts. So why don't we talk about this part that actually is so important.  I believe we have an enemy who doesn't want us to think about it and wants us to live our lives as "that will never happen." Because when we start to talk about death we have to start searching,  "is there a God? is there life after death?"  If the answer to that question is 'yes' then our life needs to change and living is no longer about us but for the glory of God. I don't know if I'm morbid but I thin...

  There's something so very humbling about walking this journey and I've been in a state of grief this past week. The grieving of starting a new chapter; that our lives will never be as they were, the grieving of starting chemo and not knowing what that will look like, the grieving of sending our kids back to school when I anticipated having them home this year.  There's so many things in our life that have been stripped away and surrendered to the Lord. Letting go is a process and has been heartbreaking for me this past week. All the things I once thought our life would be or look like have totally changed in the last 6 months. We never thought in a million years we would be walking this road full of pain and heartache yet full of joys like we've never known before.  Coming to the reality that we can't and won't be able to do everything. It's been humbling being on the receiving end of needing help instead of giving it. We can do nothing else but say "...

 We're all born and it's inevitable that one day we will die.  As soon as we're born our bodies essentially begin to fade. Like anything in this world it can either fade, die or rust away. I had an appointment earlier this month and was anxious about going by myself. But God knew, as I sat in the waiting room a friend came out from her appointment.  This couple gave me a big hug and I knew it was God's divine timing that they we're there too. This friend shared how he was just thinking of our family the day before and was going to reach out, since it's been a while. As we talked, he shared about the dash on the grave stone and how short this life is.  The Dash – By Linda Ellis I read of a man who stood to speak at a funeral of a friend. He referred to the dates on the tombstone from the beginning… to the end. He noted that first came the date of birth and spoke of the following date with tears, but he said what mattered most of all was the dash between those yea...