Let There Be Light

  It’s been a year, a whole year since that nasty word “cancer” entered into our lives. I’ll never forget that day of being told that “we” had cancer. I say we because Jesse and I are one and it affects both of us in so many ways. We can both still picture the exact moment of being told it was cancer and it all comes back like it was yesterday. But it’s been a year; a year we didn’t think we would have together at the beginning of this journey, a year we’re both so grateful for.  I see that it was a year full of life. A life giving season, and a brand new start. As we enter into spring, a new season with new beginnings this past year for us was a season of spring. We sprung into things we never imagined would be in our lives. The darkness of our trials has brought us to a place of beautiful blossom like the spring tulips emerging out of the cold ground. The spring like rains are necessary in order for those tulips to bloom. It’s been a season of growth for both of us as we’ve ...

As I sit in front of our wood stove late at night my mind thinks of the word simplicity and what that looks like. Jesse and I have been together for almost 15 years now. We started dating when I was young and I look back at all those sweet memories. Our dating years consisted of milking cows together, field work, chores and the odd dinner out. I’ve always gone to bed early and most evenings I would kick Jesse out by 8 pm to be in bed by 9. I look back on those years and wouldn’t trade them for anything, the word simple comes to mind when I ponder them . How do we get back to a life of simplicity? I was thinking about my sweet Grandma Vis and that generation of parents. The simple yet hard life they lived on the farm. Removed from technology and just the simple life. Canning on hot summer days, tending the garden to feed all those mouths, making sure the straw and hay got in on time....the "good ole days."  As our world advances in all things technology I can’t help but long t...

 When I think back to the summer and the fears that I had about winter, I realize that none of them were true . I would picture winter in a hospital with Jesse on his death bed or a cold winter day huddled by a grave opening. Far too often I have let those fears capture my mind but they are absolutely a lie.  When I let my mind run free the devil has a hay day with me. None of us are untouched from thoughts of fear but it's what we choose to do with those fears that makes the difference.  When we let them run free we are paralyzed by fear but when we take our thoughts captive to Christ they start to flee and realize they weren't true. We are destroying arguments and all arrogance raised against the knowledge of God, and we are taking every thought captive to the obedience of Christ,— 2 Corinthians 10:5 Therefore I urge you, brothers and sisters, by the mercies of God, to present your bodies as a living and holy sacrifice, acceptable to God, which is your spiritual service...

As the Christmas season is upon us many emotions run through our minds. Setting up the tree was beautiful but also had sorrow, will Jesse be here next Christmas? Why does this have to be so hard, Lord? We really are living in two worlds and it's a strange thing to balance. In one sense Jesse is feeling so well and normal that our life is normal(which is such a blessing.) But on the other hand, heading to appointments, stepping foot in Juravinski for follow ups with specialists, being told the chance of cure from this is very rare...it's kinda like a gut punch every time we hear those words . We should be used to those words by now but it never gets easier. Yesterday we had a follow up with the colon specialist. The first time we met with her she was very optimistic and wasn't sure that the spot on Jesse's lung was cancer. But yesterday she said that it definitely was cancer and because of that less options are open in the future such as surgery to remove the primary tum...

 It blows me away how fast time goes. How cancer has become our "new normal" so quickly and how we've settled into our routines.  Cancer is part of our lives right now but we've made a choice for it not to overtake our lives. It's all about perspective and the choice to continue to live amidst our circumstances.  We were playing a game the other night and as we flipped the hour glass over for each person's turn, I pictured our lives. How the sand in that hour glass is each one of our days. We don't know when that sand will run out and when our days will come to an end. We may think we have all this sand left but it could be the last grain, our last day. Jesse's diagnosis has taught us to live fully and embrace life. It's funny how we have to look death in the eyes before we fully start to live. When we touch eternity we begin to see all things simply (Corrie ten boom). We give all the glory to our Lord Jesus for this update! Jesse had a CT scan rec...

 Our perspective on life has changed so much in the last 6 months, things that use to matter just don't anymore and our gaze is on what's to come. We had to put our black lab down this week and as I watched her take her last breath I was struck by how one minute she was here and the next gone. All that remained was a shell, a body with no life. I got to thinking about the breath of life that God speaks about in Genesis when He made man. The Lord God breathed into the man and gave him life. Then the Lord God formed a man from the dust of the ground and breathed into his nostrils the breath of life, and the man became a living being. Genesis 2:7 God actually breathed His breath into Adam's nostrils, how amazing is that! Breath in our lungs, the breath of life that keeps us alive. We don't know when that will be taken from us. Here one minute and gone the next . Just a body left and the spirit gone. So what will I do while I have this breath of life? How shall I live? Whe...

 It's in the moments of helping my husband when he's helpless, cleaning up after the mess of 3 little's, and the needs of serving my family that I say "O God I'm not sure if I can keep doing this" and He says "yes you can dear child, just one single moment at a time."  Do the next thing, the dishes, laundry, meal times and life continues. When I look too far ahead it's daunting but how many times over the past few weeks God has reminded me that I'm here today and not to worry about tomorrow.  I probably have repeated myself a lot in these blogs but I'm preaching to myself every time that I write, it's more meant for me then you to be honest. It's been a healing outlet for me to be able to write and put it all down in words. I've made a binder and titled it "Look what the Lord Has Done for Us." I've printed all our blogs so far and have put all the beautiful cards we've been given in the binder; it's such ...